Disconnect to Reconnect

I have anxiety. I imagine 20 different ways any situation will end, I re-live every conversation I’ve ever had, re-read emails before AND after I send them and I am already trouble shooting the situation before you finish talking to me. I check work emails continually throughout the day and night. I have the work-version of FOMO (fear of missing out). My number one strength (according to Strengths Quest) is Achiever. In essence, I am literally or figuratively always in motion. The visual of the calm duck on a still pond is definitely me. While I know I let some of my cards show, I believe I look pretty good on the surface but I am furiously kicking underneath the water. Turning off my brain is a true challenge. So, when I decided 10 months ago to take two weeks off in the middle of this summer, I did not realize how difficult it would be.

I’ve never taken two weeks off consecutively in my entire professional career. This may be shocking to some of you or a similar reality for others. I just never felt I could disconnect and take that amount of time (other than for medical necessity) just for me.  To give you some context, I work in Student Life at a community college. I am the primary conduct officer, a title IX investigator and currently chair the behavior intervention team. Online incident reports are funneled primarily to my email. I also oversee new student orientation, student clubs and student activities. While I am not curing cancer with the work I do, I do feel like my role and my work matters. I work in a great place, with a great team and great leadership.

So how did I survive my two weeks off with my palatable anxiety and mind racing about the possible issues that will arise while I am away? It took time. Below are the steps I took and some tips I would suggest. 

1. Understand the expectations. As I alluded to earlier, I believe I am blessed with a great work environment. The Institution’s commitment to its employees’ work-life balance is terrific. At my level, there is no culture of needing to respond to emails at midnight or take a significant amount of work home. My supervisors told me, as I was preparing to leave for vacation, not to worry about work while on vacation. That I didn’t need to check email and those projects, even some bigger ones, can wait. On the other hand, a close friend of mine outside of higher education has a very demanding job and was required to maintain contact with work while on vacation. He committed to his company one hour a day and that was mutually accepted.  If you know the expectations (or lack of expectations) of you from work while away, it provides that reassurance or structure you need to actually be on vacation and also some understanding on the back end when you return. That being said, I was still personally concerned about my projects, my staff and how I was viewed at my Institution. 

2. Disconnect both physically and electronically. It is easy to leave work, right? You exit out the door and you’re done with the day. It’s not always that easy, right? If you’re like me, you put in way too many extra hours to prepare for being away. Inevitably you finally do it; you exit your office and the building. But as you’ve physically disconnected from the work environment, more than likely you are still electronically connected.

I knew leaving work on Friday that while I would not be returning to my office for two weeks; I still had my iPad, phone and laptop with me as I made that physical exit. I left work with projects in hand that I thought I could complete while on vacation. So, on I go to vacation and for the first 5 days I checked and replied to email regularly. Slowly I noticed I did not feel the urgency to check so regularly. There were no fires burning, they did not NEED me to survive. While I logically knew this fact, my own anxiety of leaving blurred reality. Finally on day 5, which also happened to be my daughter’s birthday, I acknowledge the fact that I was on vacation. I finally realized I needed to commit to my family and to myself and actually be on vacation.

3. Take a social media fast. I deleted Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and Pinterest from my phone before I left on vacay. Yep. Tough. While I don’t post much to Twitter, I am an active voyeur. I am also an active reader of many Student Affairs groups on Facebook. I decided that if I was truly going to relax, I needed to not see what was happening at “home” or in the current political and national arena connected to higher education. As this played out over two weeks, I did not realize how much dependence I had on my phone and the desire I had to post, to read status updates, or to check out what was going on. I had to remind myself to be present and to realize, that social media too, can wait.

4. Make the time for you, just you. So day 5 was the day my mindset changed. It only took 5 days and the realization that my daughter’s 7^th birthday only happens once to recognize the need for a quick change of what I was doing. Luckily I had several days left to actually be away from work. I understand why there are so many experts out there that recommend taking off more than one week of work to truly relax.

My vacation was with my family including my two terrific children and we were having a great time, but I needed to make time for me to decompress from work and the everyday stresses of life. This is even important when you are vacationing alone. On many vacations, you're site-seeing, your planning excursions, your visiting friends/family, etc. - you typically have some plans set in that time. My suggestion - pick one day, one morning, or just one hour a day to be present with yourself.  Stay in bed, meditate, go for a coffee, get a massage, watch the sunrise, watch the sunset, get out for a run, work out, etc. Find your own “happy place” for even just a little bit - JUST BE PRESENT - and the effects are exponential! My "me time/happy time" was running, I went for a short 15-20 minute jog several mornings after my realization. It was so beneficial. My mood was better with my family, and I could truly be present with them and with our vacation for the rest of the time.

In hindsight I can logically recognize many of the mental burdens I place on myself are my own and my anxiety talking to me, yet I still had and will have them there. I had to work through the honest realization that my Institution existed before me and will exist after me and taking two weeks off for vacation is just a blip on the radar for the life of the Institution and of my Department/Division. As we are on the verge of the fun, excitement, and exhaustion of August, I hope some of these points will resonate with you (and with me) to help keep us all present and centered on what truly matters in our lives. 

 Jennifer Husum currently serves as the Colorado Membership Coordinator for NASPA Region IV-West. She currently works as the Director of Student Life at Arapahoe Community College. She can be reached at [email protected]