The Dual Career Search: We survived and so can you!

I met my husband in graduate school, specifically the College Student Affairs program at the University of West Georgia (Go West! Go Wolves!). I started the program in August, we met in October, and he was set to graduate in May – it was an amazing six months of dating before we had to figure out our next steps.

Dual Career Search #1: his first professional position + my summer internship.

This one wasn’t so bad because we both agreed on a location that was a short flight from the Atlanta airport. He wanted to be close to his family and I wanted to be close to him. After many applications and ACUHO-I interviews, he landed at Georgetown and I landed at Johns Hopkins, only a 45 minute train ride apart.

One thing we did right - establish criteria: It helped that we sat down and decided on a regional location first and then that we were specific about it (two hour flight from ATL). If you can map out some criteria before the dual search even begins, there will be much less of a chance to make each other mad. Think about: Location? Type of position? Pay? Distance from each other? Cost of living? Near a major airport? Weather? Figure out your non-negotiables and go from there.

Dual Career Search #2: my first professional position

After an awesome summer together, long distance romance ensued with many trips between DC and Georgia until the following year, when my graduation date approached. Do I job hunt in DC? Do I want to go home to the Pacific Northwest? What about Colorado, where my dad lives and it’s halfway between the both of us? Thus began: Dual Career Search #2

I did not want to live in DC, but I applied to jobs there anyways, which got his hopes up. I ultimately wanted to go home closer to my family, but struggled to find a position in Washington or Oregon. So, I figured the next closest state was California… but he did not want to live in California (drought, expensive, etc.).

We are both somewhat stubborn and had worked hard for our degrees, so shouldn’t we have the right to our dream job? My thought was “yes” – so off I went to California where I landed a fabulous position at Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo. I rented my own apartment by the beach and made frequent trips to see my family in the NW.

One thing we did wrong – lack of communication: The most important thing in any relationship is communication and we did not communicate enough. We did not clearly explain our values or really listen to the reasoning behind our emotions. If you are in the midst of a dual-career search, please listen to your partner and I mean really listen. Have long, unpleasant yet meaningful talks about what you want, what you need, what you hope for, and then don’t run and do the opposite like I did. Be vulnerable and communicate clearly with your partner.

Dual Career Search #3: two new professional positions

After a tumultuous year between east coast and west coast, a compromise had to be made if we wanted to stay in our relationship: we must quit our awesome jobs and both move to a new city together. Hello, Dual Career Search #3! This time we did a lot of things correctly. We laid out our criteria and communicated about what we both wanted – but the biggest thing was that we both made a sacrifice to leave the jobs we loved. It was difficult, but we were both on equal footing. He left Georgetown first and ended up at Seattle University, I followed a few months later and landed at the University of Washington.

Ultimate lesson learned – it is never easy, but it’s always worth it: For this last round of dual searching, we both had to make difficult decisions but it wasn’t just one us having to choose – we both left places we loved in order to make it work together. We were honest with our supervisors about our long distance relationship and that for our ultimate happiness and future together, we had to make the move. So for all you dual career couples out there – be open with one another, communicate clearly, set expectations to help ease the arguments, and make the big decisions with your future relationship in mind. You need to do what’s right, for the both of you.

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Alison McCarty is a Career Counselor at the University of Washington, Seattle. Once the couple was settled in Seattle, they got married! All the table assignments at their wedding were named after universities they worked at, and their dear student affairs professor officiated the ceremony. Alison is a proud alum of Colorado State University and the University of West Georgia.