More Than My Job: Reclaiming Balance as a Single Womxn in Student Affairs

For a long time, I believed I was my job. Like many in Student Affairs, I threw myself into the work heart-first, late nights at programs, weekend retreats, advising meetings that ran well past office hours, and always being "on" for someone else. I loved the energy, the impact, the purpose. But somewhere along the way, I lost sight of myself, outside the office.

As a single womxn in Student Affairs, it’s easy to fall into the rhythm of overwork. There’s an unspoken narrative that if you don’t have a partner or children, you have more time to give, more time for late-night emails, last-minute event fixes, or picking up "just one more" committee. But what often gets missed is that single doesn’t mean unanchored or unoccupied. My time still matters. My joy still matters. And the more experience I gain in this field and in life, the more protective I’ve become of that time. I’ve learned that work is what I do to support my life, it’s not who I am. That’s a lesson I wish I had learned sooner.

 

Filling My Cup Without Apology

There was a time I would’ve felt guilty for saying no to a meeting outside my normal hours or blocking off vacation days just because. But now, I fill my cup unapologetically. I’ve learned that when I invest in the things that make me feel alive, whether it’s playing softball or volleyball, planning a new adventure, catching a MN Twins game, or spending time with my family, I show up better everywhere else. One of the most powerful shifts I’ve made is taking my email off my phone during vacation. I don’t check it. I don’t skim it. I intentionally disconnect because I’ve learned that true rest can’t happen if I’m half in and half out. Out-of-office means out of reach, and I no longer feel the need to apologize for that. That said, there are still times when I need to be “on” but it’s on my terms now. I’ve learned how to build flexibility into my work-life rhythm, so I can respond when needed without sacrificing the time and space I need to feel whole.

Joy isn’t something you earn after your to-do list is done. It’s something you cultivate along the way. And for me, joy looks like dirt on my boots from a long trail, stamping a new page in my passport, or laughing over Starbucks with my best friend. That energy, that wholeness, ripples into my work. It’s not selfish. It’s sustainable.

 

Shifting My Identity

When you’re newer in Student Affairs, the job often feels all-consuming. It's your identity, your social circle, your calendar, and your sense of purpose. I used to introduce myself with my job title like it was a personality trait. And while I’m still proud of what I do, I no longer believe my worth is tied to my work email. I’m no longer chasing the illusion of balance by stuffing self-care into the leftover cracks of my week. Instead, I’m building a life where work fits around the things that matter most, not the other way around. What I’ve Learned (and Am Still Learning)

Here are a few lessons I keep close:

Rest is productive. If you want to lead students well, you need to model a life that honors boundaries and wellness not burnout.

Take your email off your phone. Especially on vacation. Set the boundary and stick to it. You deserve true time away.

There will still be moments where you need to be “on.” But those moments don’t have to define your day. Flexibility matters more than perfection.

Just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you have to keep doing it. Growth sometimes looks like letting go.

Travel, adventure, and stillness all count as valuable. There’s no “right way” to recharge. Just your way.

Protect your peace like it's your paycheck. Your time, your weekends, your evenings are not up for grabs unless you decide they are.

It’s okay to be ambitious and to rest. You can want a promotion and still take PTO. You can be committed and still say no.

 

To the Single womxn in Student Affairs

If you’re a single womxn working in Student Affairs, especially if you feel like you’re expected to give more because of it. This is your reminder: you don’t have to prove your value by overextending yourself. You don’t need to explain why your time off matters or justify why you’re unavailable outside work hours. You get to build a life that feels good now not just when you hit the next career milestone. You are allowed to be a whole person outside of your role. You are allowed to protect your weekends, to pursue things that light your heart on fire, and to say no without guilt. You're allowed to live boldly, love deeply, and take up space not just in your job, but in your life.

 

Closing Thought

I love the work I do. I believe in it. But it’s no longer the whole story. My job helps me live the life I want to live. Work is not the center of who I am. That shift has given me the freedom to chase mountains, adventures, and moments that remind me of who I am at my core. And the best part? I show up to my work more whole, more grounded, and more me than ever before.